Bloody frogs

Further horror for the good guys at the Brewers this week, as the clowns from the Frog & Wicket took it upon themselves to snap their prolonged and frankly hilarious losing streak with a 2-1 win. Gits. Landlord Mark also took great delight in texting me the result before we'd even concluded the 3rd leg and when I was standing not 20 feet away from him, which I'm sure you'll all agree is a bit below the belt. Ah well, let them have their day in the sun. I'm sure they'll get stuffed this week.

Elsewhere, the Jolly have gratefully spooned up another 3 points thanks to a forfeit from the Brams, which, coupled with their 3-0 trouncing of the Bell & Bottle the week before, leaves them firmly in the reckoning. The Wanderers continued their annoying run by plucking and stuffing the Pheasant 3-0, but the Evil Empire are also keeping up with the Joneses by feasting on a large portion of Dog & Duck. The Queen's Head have taken a chance by not informing me of their result, perhaps hoping that I'll gaze into the ether again and maybe come up with the right result this time. This means that they are, provisionally, no longer top of the table. More fool them.

Incidentally I have worked out what went wrong with my league table link way back in week one, so hopefully it should work now. You can have a butcher's at the table by clicking here. Enjoy!

Wrong, wrong, wrong

As a hilarious postscript to the whole Brams/Queen's Guessgate fiasco, I've just learnt from the landlord of the Brewers that he misinformed me, and the Queen's actually won 3-0 this week. Marvellous. Here is the updated league table. I pray to God it's right.

Team	Played	Won	Lost	Forfeit	Legs won	Legs lost	Points
.	Queen's Head	14	11	3	0	32	10	42
.	Elephant & Castle	14	10	4	0	30	12	39
.	Wanderers	14	9	5	0	30	12	39
.	Bell & Bottle	13	11	2	0	27	12	37
.	Jolly Farmer	13	9	4	0	25	14	34
.	Three Brewers	14	8	6	0	23	19	31
.	Pheasant	14	7	7	0	22	20	29
.	Norreys Barn	12	5	7	0	16	20	20
.	Frog & Wicket	12	3	9	0	12	24	14
.	Hope & Anchor	12	3	9	0	9	27	12
.	Dog & Duck	13	2	9	2	8	31	10
.	Bramshill Hunt	13	1	9	3	4	38	5

The madness continues

Laughs aplenty at the Dog & Duck this week, where malicious saboteurs (or kids) had taken great delight in ripping the Aunt Sally pole from the ground in the afternoon before our match. With a distinct lack of engineering prowess and only a small and ineffective toffee hammer available, all attempts to drive the thing back into the sun-baked ground proved comically futile. Help was at hand though, as a conveniently placed traffic cone slipped neatly over the top to provide some measure of stability, and the Brewers team never tired of shouting out cone! instead of iron, and then rolling about with laughter for the next five minutes. Simple things...

The Dog clearly had record-breaking in mind in their first leg. After drilling their first stick and setting Brewers' hearts aflutter, they then proceeded to miss their next 47, to finish with a remarkable score of 1. This topples the previous record of 44 consecutive misses in one leg set by the Hope & Anchor. Congratulations all round.

Elsewhere, the Wanderers continued their worryingly fine form with a 3-0 over Norreys Barn, who apparently all turned up in fancy dress. Any photographic evidence of this would be much appreciated. The Evil Empire kept themselves bang in contention with a 3-0 stuffing of the Brams, but the Queen's Head have lost their grip on the league with a 3-0 reverse to the Frog & Wicket. As consolation, though, I have now been informed that they did in fact only lose 2-1 to the Brams a few weeks ago. Doubtless next someone will tell me they actually won 2-1. What fun.

There were also a couple of minor inaccuracies in the league table, which I believe I have now corrected. However I would like to make sure that everything is correct as it is a very close league this year and I wouldn't want a stewards' enquiry at the end of it over some crucial boob I've made. If everyone could send me their complete results for the year then that would be a great help. Ta.

Here are the results in thus far, with league table. The Evil Empire are provisionally top again as the Bell & Bottle have not checked in with their result. Tsk tsk.

Brams 0 - 3 Elephant
H&A 0 - 3 Pheasant
D&D 0 - 3 Brewers
Wanderers 3 - 0 Norreys
Frog 3 - 0 Queen's

Team	Played	Won	Lost	Forfeit	Legs won	Legs lost	Points
.	Elephant & Castle	14	10	4	0	30	12	39
.	Wanderers	14	9	5	0	30	12	39
.	Queen's Head	14	10	4	0	29	13	38
.	Bell & Bottle	13	11	2	0	27	12	37
.	Jolly Farmer	13	9	4	0	25	14	34
.	Three Brewers	14	8	6	0	23	19	31
.	Pheasant	14	7	7	0	22	20	29
.	Norreys Barn	12	5	7	0	16	20	20
.	Frog & Wicket	12	4	8	0	15	21	18
.	Hope & Anchor	12	3	9	0	9	27	12
.	Dog & Duck	13	2	9	2	8	31	10
.	Bramshill Hunt	14	1	10	3	4	38	5

Not so clever after all

Well, in the grand tradition of comedy league-running and with a wilful disregard for accurate reportage, I decided to take a chance yesterday and guess the result of the week 12 Queen's Head - Bramshill Hunt match. I guess that's why everyone knows me as Gambler Bill. I guess that also explains why I'm not living in Monte Carlo quaffing endless magnums of Krug in the Hotel de Paris, as I couldn't have got the result any wronger. It seemed reasonable to assume that the Queen's - topping the table with only two defeats to their name - might just make short work of the Brams, themselves propping up the league with only 2 legs to their name. But then this league, like a woman, has proved to be anything but sane and predictable, and with impeccable comic timing the Brams finally remembered how to play the game by trouncing the Queen's 3-0! As you can imagine, this has led to quite a seismic shift in the league table, with the Bell & Bottle marching to the top like Hitler annexing the Sudetenland. With only 3 points separating the top five teams, this thing is now wide open.

Team	Played	Won	Lost	Forfeit	Legs won	Legs lost	Points
.	Bell & Bottle	13	11	2	0	28	12	37
.	Queen's Head	13	10	3	0	28	11	37
.	Elephant & Castle	13	9	4	0	27	12	35
.	Wanderers	13	8	5	0	27	12	35
.	Jolly Farmer	13	9	4	0	25	14	34
.	Three Brewers	13	7	6	0	20	19	27
.	Pheasant	13	6	7	0	19	20	25
.	Norreys Barn	11	5	6	0	16	17	20
.	Frog & Wicket	11	3	8	0	12	21	14
.	Hope & Anchor	11	3	8	0	9	24	12
.	Dog & Duck	12	2	8	2	8	28	10
.	Bramshill Hunt	12	1	8	3	5	35	6

It's all go

Apologies for not updating a great deal recently. Contrary to popular opinion, it isn't because the Brewers haven't been winning - in fact we just snapped our 11-leg losing streak against the Brams - but rather that I've been away in weird places without any wifi access. Anyway, no need to panic as I'm back now. In the league, meanwhile, the Queen's Head have seemingly turned into some sort of Medusa, wiping other teams out 3-0 at will and thus surging an astonishing 4 points clear at the top. Nearest challengers the Bell & Bottle are also on a wild streak, having not lost a game since week 3, while the Evil Empire have also rediscovered their touch with consecutive 3-0 stompings. Also squirming their way up the table are the Wanderers - helped by winning their doubleheader with the Dog & Duck 3-0, 3-0 - while previous runaway leaders the Jolly Farmer now find themselves languishing in 5th after consecutive losses. Oh how the mighty have fallen...

Here are all the results from the last two weeks. Enjoy!

Pheasant 2 - 1 Jolly
Evil Empire 3 - 0 Brewers
Bell & Bottle 2 - 1 Norreys
Brams 0 - 3 Queen's Head (although that's actually just an educated guess as nobody has told me yet)
Hope & A 3 - 0 Frog
Dog & Duck 0 - 3 Wanderers
Wanderers 3 - 0 Dog & Duck (rearranged from week 1)
Bell & Bottle 2 - 1 Frog (rearranged from week 11)
Jolly 0 - 3 Evil Empire
Pheasant 1 - 2 Bell & Bottle
Brewers 3 - 0 Brams
Norreys 3 - 0 Hope & A
Queen's Head 3 - 0 Dog & Duck
Frog 1 - 2 Wanderers

Team	Played	Won	Lost	Forfeit	Legs won	Legs lost	Points
.	Queen's Head	13	11	2	0	31	8	41
.	Bell & Bottle	13	11	2	0	28	12	37
.	Elephant & Castle	13	9	4	0	27	12	35
.	Wanderers	13	8	5	0	27	12	35
.	Jolly Farmer	13	9	4	0	25	14	34
.	Three Brewers	13	7	6	0	20	19	27
.	Pheasant	13	6	7	0	19	20	25
.	Norreys Barn	11	5	6	0	16	17	20
.	Frog & Wicket	11	3	8	0	12	21	14
.	Hope & Anchor	11	3	8	0	9	24	12
.	Dog & Duck	12	2	8	2	8	28	10
.	Bramshill Hunt	12	0	9	3	2	35	2

Disaster

Well it's been a couple of weeks since my last update. Apologies. Anyway, needless to say the league has somehow survived without me, although sadly the same cannot be said of the Brewers' championship campaign. Consecutive 3-0 defeats (to the despicable Queen's Head, and the equally abhorrent Jolly Farmer) have sent us freefalling down the table, never again to experience the heady delights of joint-third place. Bugger. At the top, meanwhile, the Jolly and the Queen's are now locked together like two big locking things, with the Bell & Bottle beetling their way into third despite not even telling me their latest result. The Evil Empire continue to lurk menacingly in 4th, but a 3-0 defeat to the Queen's last week has blunted their tusks, while the sodding Wanderers have also had the cheek to overhaul the Brewers and now sit somewhat smugly in 5th. Aaargh.


I won't even mention the bottom half of the table, as I don't want to embarrass anybody (except maybe the Frog & Wicket). Must try harder.

Here is the league table, although I am still missing some results. Enjoy.

Team	Played	Won	Lost	Forfeit	Legs won	Legs lost	Points
.	Queen's Head	11	9	2	0	25	8	33
.	Jolly Farmer	11	9	2	0	24	9	33
.	Bell & Bottle	10	8	2	0	22	9	28
.	Elephant & Castle	11	7	4	0	21	12	27
.	Wanderers	10	5	5	0	19	11	24
.	Three Brewers	11	6	5	0	17	16	23
.	Pheasant	11	5	6	0	16	17	21
.	Norreys Barn	9	4	5	0	12	15	15
.	Frog & Wicket	9	3	6	0	10	17	12
.	Dog & Duck	9	2	5	2	8	19	10
.	Hope & Anchor	9	2	7	0	6	21	8
.	Bramshill Hunt	10	0	7	3	2	29	2